An Open Letter to GK Films, Warner Brothers and MGM concerning “Tomb Raider: The Reboot”

February 27, 2015

To Whom It May Concern at GK Films, WB and MGM,

Do NOT fuck this up.

Do not fuck up ‘Tomb Raider’.

If you fuck this up, I swear on everything sacred and super totally awesome, that I will never, ever give you any of my money for this “re-boot”. (technically, it’s a re-boot of the first two movies, which is based on the game series that has currently been re-booted, but who’s counting?) Here’s the thing you may ask yourself, while you take out another 20 dollar toilet paper roll to wipe your smug asses with, “Who gives a crap if we get your 11 bucks opening weekend, Nick Murphy?”

Well, you will. Because it won’t just be me, it’ll be the other fans of the series, who will vote with their wallets too and even though you’ll be optimistic to crack 40+ opening weekend, doesn’t 60-70 sound way, way more sweet?

It can happen, but I can tell you how it will not happen. If you don’t care about the source material. If you have to have an ‘assistant’ play the games to get a sense of who Lara Croft is, you’re doing it wrong. If you have Crystal Dynamics send you a series of “just the games cut scenes”, so you can study them for inspiration to your film, you’re doing it wrong. If one of the on-set P.A.’s on your movie, knows way more about ‘Tomb Raider’, than the higher ups and shakes his/her head in disbelief every time you yell “Cut”! on a scene, guess what? You’re fucking DOING IT WRONG!

Look, I know this is show “business”, you’re in it for the franchises at the moment and video games have yet to make it big at the box office. Here’s the things you need to consider, before you even set foot into pre-production. Here’s why it has NOT worked and how you can make this shit work.

1.) Video games don’t work as movies, because video games are interactive for each individual user experience. We get invested in our characters, because we get to control them. That’s hard to translate to the passive medium of watching. What can you do? What many, many others have failed at, get the back stories. The true back stories and the character motives that are in the games. Study the worlds and the backdrops and use those as your template to move them into the visual medium of film. Send them on a memorable journey, change what must be changed for the film, but keep true to the characters and back stories. Want to look at people who do this successfully? Look no further than fan films.

2.) Have people involved, at a higher creative level, that are TRUE fans. Do you know why Marvel works? Because Marvel’s production’s are overseen by Kevin Fiege, who is at his heart, a fan first and foremost. Kevin understands the big picture, but treats each movie as if it were truly a work of art. He also hires people who truly believe in the journey and whose unique voices and talent, mix in well with Marvel’s grand scheme. I see your writer is the writer of such awesome as “TMNT” and “Snow White and the Huntsman”. When I say awesome,  I’m fucking being sarcastic. Are you kidding me with this horse shit?! I know he’s not solely responsible for the ultimate outcome of those films. Many, many cooks were involved in nuking that kitchen from orbit. However, he is responsible for the blue print, the recipe if you will, that the cooks can proceed to fuck up. I hope that he has a great script in him and I hope this is it! Because everything else he’s done is NOT made for the fans, nor does it have the voice of someone who was a fan, write it. If it does, and it got lost in the fucking process, to you Evan Daughtery, I stand corrected. But this is important, we need someone to write this who understands Lara, and wants to go with her on this journey.

3.) Do not just cut and paste from the games. Just don’t. We played the TR re-boot and it was glorious and vicious and mean. In fact, if you wanna grow a pair and make this Rated R, (the game was Rated M. That’s right, M, for mature, because Lara’s journey was a grisly one) then that’s awesome! You should do it! PG-13 does not always mean more money. If the game developers can woman-up and do the damn thingery, you can too! If you cut and paste from any of the games, we may as well go home and turn on our X-Box or Playstation. However, if you have elements of those games, loving homages, nods, all while servicing the story YOU want to tell, it will make us clap and cheer and sit there with smiles on our faces! I seriously cried at the end of the re-boot, because I experienced Lara’s quest with her and saw her fully embrace her destiny. You muther fuckers should make us cry.

Look, you have a golden opportunity here. I’m not saying that everyone on set has to be a huge Tomb Raider fan, I mean, it would help if the crafty person made Tomb Raider cookies on Friday’s, but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m saying is, the creative’s, the higher ups, start treating the video game movie franchises with the same respect Marvel is doing and you will see two things. You will see your franchise be truly successful and more importantly, you will see us line up to see it again.

Your fellow filmmaker,

-Nick Murphy




Still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

March 8, 2014

“You’re 35 years old, you shouldn’t be a PA.”

A friend told me that, while we were watching the Oscars this past Sunday. This friend was very correct, but, what if that’s the only job I even CAN get at the moment.

It’s hard not to feel judged when you’ve spent 21 years climbing a ladder for your dreams, and you can barely afford the free club soda with lime at the bar.

I’ve been here before.

A TL:DR to catch everyone up. At 18, I dropped out of High School senior year, sold all my possessions and saved up a weekend or two of working at the skating rink money, and just ran away in the middle of the night. No one knew where I was going, but I did. LA. To make movies.

So, where am I today?

I’m in a shaky economy, where I can only get part time PA work at the moment. I have an over drawn bank account. I’m still trying to catch up on February’s rent, when March’s rent is due. My phone will also shut off soon,  I’m running out of food and my Netflix just got canceled. (see overdrawn bank account)

The movie I’ve been trying to finish for four years (yes, four years) is as of yesterday, somehow missing all of it’s synced audio in the AVID timeline. (basically, when you play back the movie, the video is there, but the audio is missing) So, as of now, I don’t have a movie and will probably have to start completely over.

It’s one of those times on the ladder, where all you want to do, is let go.

Fuck, even if I wanted to call it a day, and move away and get a nice small job somewhere, there would always be that part of me that loves movies. That would still go to the movies, that would still want to create those movies.

I can’t turn that part of me off.

That’s the part that says, “Okay, today you’re working on some shit job that you don’t want to do, but at least this is the job that will finish (insert movie title here) that your working on.”

Or the part that goes, “Well, okay, another year has gone by since I’ve been here and I may not be where I want, but at least I’m writing (insert script here).”

It just doesn’t go away, no matter what, it’s a part of my DNA.

Just recently, the little production company that my friends and I made when we were kids in 1993 (Spoon Pictures), celebrated 20 years of movie making.

I went back and cut a trailer to that time capsule.

I watch that sometimes and see that fresh faced teenager with a dream, morph over time to a young man, with the same dream.

Through all of that, through the support of family and friends, I somehow found the strength to keep going. To keep making our own little no budget movies.

When everything seems dark, like it certainly does right now, and every year that passes, I have to dig deeper and deeper to find that strength, I have to keep going.

Even when it seems hopeless.

Especially when it seems hopeless.

It’s not in my core to quit.

Sometimes, when we quit something, when we say “Fuck it. I’m done.” That gives us an illusion of control. An illusion of power back. Because when all the shit has hit the fan, that is one thing we CAN say and CAN do. We can say, “Fuck it. I’m done.”

All that does is give us temporary solace.

I don’t want to have that.

Somehow, I need to just keep going, keep moving forward, keep creating.

It sucks right now, big time.

But, I know that whatever dreams don’t kill me, only make me stronger, and hopefully catch me up on that overdue rent.

The end of wisdom is to dream high enough not to lose the dream in the seeking of it.
William Faulkner
















Why you may never be a better filmmaker.

January 29, 2014

It saddens me on the inside when I hear and see a LOT of indie filmmakers/producers who absolutely, without a fucking doubt in their mind, MUST shoot on the latest and greatest camera.

Their budgets may be small, but it won’t LOOK small, with our new RED or new DSLR, aaaannd that’s pretty much it, because we can’t afford anything else.

Insert “Transformer” noise here.

“But the movie will look great, right? RIGHT GUYS?! RIGHT?!!…..hello?”

Filmmaking is entering a whole new world, even for the major studios. Now, more than anytime, ever before, we have a lot of tools. A shitload of tools. We’re becoming more and more, a jack-of-all-trades.

We have editing software, VFX, Sound, Photoshops, Lightrooms, DVD/Blu-Ray encoding software and menu maker and PC’s to run it all. Hell, if we don’t have that, our Iphones shoot HD and have iMovie built in.

We are in unknown and unprecedented times.

What people need to get out of their noggins is thus, a better camera is NOT the be all, end all to your production. It’s a tool in your tool box, and here’s where the biggest mistake I’ve seen with most independent productions. Even those with a budget.

If you don’t know how to use that tool effectively, you will not be a better filmmaker.

I’ve seen RED productions look like crap, because both the DP and Director didn’t understand the full potential of the camera and/or didn’t have the lights to take advantage of it’s capabilities.  It looked like it was shot on lower end DSLR’s.

The opposite is also true.

I’ve seen productions, with older DSLR’s, look breathtaking, because the craftsperson understood what they were working with.

I’m not saying, don’t use those tools, just, graduate to them. In truth, we should free our creativity more and shoot on lower end things. Make a movie with your Iphone, make a movie with “gasp” SD equipment. Challenge yourselves, no lights, no crew, really find your raw voice.

Then hone in on that voice with the more professional stuff.

Shit, if you want, buy a used T2i on craigslist and do nothing but shoot everyday on that. Push it’s limits, learn it inside and out. You’ll feel more comfortable when your next big project comes along.

The next thing that may impede our progress as filmmakers, is when people start thinking beyond their movie.

I.E., this movie is gonna go to this and this festival, we need this actor to get distribution, ect.

I can’t wait till my movie which hasn’t even been made ever, goes to Sundance!

If you do that, please stop. Those are a bunch of “what-if’s” and no one on this earth, knows exactly what will happen to your movie, once it’s complete. Look at big budget studio movies that bomb or on the flip side, lower budget movies that hit big. They hire “analysts” for that shit and get it wrong, all the time.

I’m not saying, “Don’t have goals” for your completed film, I’m saying, live in each moment and be completely present.

You’re doing some scriptwriting? Only focus on the script, all stages.

You got some pre-production? Pre-the fuck-out of that production. All stages.

You’re in production?

Your only priority, should be focusing on telling the best story you can possibly tell, make the best movie you can make, in that moment. Be free.

Now you’re in post, post should be your focus. Once you start to see your movie come together, you can then start thinking about what to do with it. You’ll have more of an understanding of your flick, and ultimately, feel more confident in releasing it into the ether.

Because you stayed present, you stayed focused, on each task at hand.


Finally, what holds us back, probably the most of all, is this belief that outside things will make us complete.

That, if our movie becomes successful and goes to this festival or gets that distribution or even makes money and we get an agent and move up, that we will finally be happy.

That these things are what fills that creative hole in us, as artist, as people.

Some people will only want that, they only want money and numbers and outside validation from others.

At one point,when I was young, all I wanted was the same thing. Things outside myself, that will only make me happy. I wanted fame and money and success.

What I’ve learned, is that, that is all fleeting at best.

Nothing lasts.

If I want true inspired creative happiness, I have to be happy with who I am as a filmmaker first.

No one else should change that or give that to me based on “success”.

Now, what I’m writing, isn’t gospel, it’s what I’ve learned in my 20 years of independent filmmaking. I’m only sharing my experience.

At the end of the day, stay true to your self, trust your first instincts, when people give you advice, take what you like and leave the rest.

Including from me.

Now go make a movie, today, right now. Only person holding you back, is yourself.

My Top 11 Flicks of 2012

December 27, 2012

What’s better than a free upgrade on your popcorn from small to medium?? Well, lots of shit actually, but for the purposes of theme, it’s my Top 11 of 2012!

Don’t see your movie on this list? Fear not! I probably just didn’t see it or my “given fucks” account was over drawn! AGAIN! I swear…you make a fucking deposit and before you know it…..

Without further ado, here’s my list! (Although, let it be said, this year was tougher to see everything I wanted to see, cause I find myself once again, shit-balls poor)

 11.)  21 JUMP STREET

After this picture, they were kindly asked to leave the gym.

I know what you’re thinking. DA FUCK?!! Really, Nick?  Yes, dude. Really.

Essentially what everyone involved in this movie did was first, lower every ones expectations, then, punch them as hard as they could in the face….with humorous situations.

It really is a solid movie! Very funny, well acted, slickly shot with a constant wink at the audience to have as much fun as they’re having. Channing Tatum won me over here, I’ll now see everything this dude is in. His brand of comedy teamed with Hill’s is a good match.

You can rent this shit.

You should.


Back for war, indeed.

I heard some flak a few years back, for including the first movie on my list, stating that you should watch that, and it shouldn’t be missed.

Some people were more than pissed, that I had wasted their precious time, but what you need to know, is I didn’t make the flick, it’s not mine! What did you expect from a kid from the 80’s, who loves Arnold/Sly  and lovin’ the ladies. (hey, it rhymes with 80’s.)

I’ve waited my whole life to see these guys on the screen, and even if it’s thin on plot, they make a great team! If you didn’t like the first, you’ll probably think the second one is the worst, and there’s nothing I can say to change your mind. However, I really had a fantastic time, more explosions, more one-liners, more Van Damme and that’s fine!

They may have a case of male-pattern badness, but I really love both flicks, they’re the raddest!


One helluva grip!

Looking for a refreshing take on martial arts flicks? This is it! What I really dig about this flick, is Eric (writer/director/star/editor) and the Stunt People’s ability to take the tropes of fight scenes and turn them on their head.

Often times, the end result is hilarious and entertaining to watch, while also keeping that sense of danger presented to them. Hoskins gives a performance that could’ve been over done by other actors, but is subtle and well played. Johnny Yong Bosch (from Power Rangers) is a formidable villain and Rebecca Ahn (who also produces) is very natural in front of the camera.

It’s a solid action movie, with a lot of grit, a lot of heart and a lot of independent passion put upon the screen, that most Hollywood flicks wish they could make.

If you love stunts/action movies/Hong Kong style cinema, seek it out!!


Only you can prevent…HOLY FUCK!! IS THAT CITY ON FIRE?!!

What saddens me most about this movie, is that it got very favorable reviews when it came out. Everyone who took a chance on it, really liked it and started recommending it, but then- Joe Kansas and Suzy Idaho killed it and went to see stupid fucking “Battleship” instead.

First off, this movie has nothing to do with the Stallone 1995 flick. It’s based more on the source material of the comics, which have been around for decades, but aren’t as main stream as say, “Spidey” or “Garfield”. The movie we end up getting, is a violent, fun, gritty sci-fi/action film! Urban owns Dredd the same way he probably owns 3 houses! But he had to sell one, cause the movie tanked, which SUCKS!

Thanks, “Battleship” goers, D5, you sunk my happiness.


Everyday is a good day when your lower torso is Bruce Willis.

“Looper” is from Rian Johnson, who wrote/directed “Brick”.  JGL is a “Looper”, which rhymes with “Pooper” and “Hooper”. Remember that show, “Hanging with Mr. Cooper”? What the fuck ever happened to that show?

6.) ARGO

Man, someone sure had a lot of time on their hands to tape that shredded poster together…..wait…..

Gotta hand it Affleck! Not only was he da bomb in “Phantoms”, he has become a very, very, solid director!

He’s 3 for 3 in my book, and his latest, “Argo”, could be his best. He feels very comfortable in front of and behind the camera. He knows how to stage and create tension and also drop in natural laughs to give us a break.

This is something Lumet would’ve done in the 70’s. This is amazing filmmaking.

Seek this fucker out!


Reminds me of my pennies……FUCK! THAT’S BRILLIANT!!

This is the story about how Lincoln, saved us all from Vampires in the cold, undead of night….and….waitaminute….fuck, that didn’t happen at all in this movie.

Everyone bow down to the greatness that is Spiels! (Spielberg, for those not on a nickname basis with him, like me). He really is the mastah (SHO’NUFF) and I’m very convinced that everyone who worked on this film, had a table filled with Oscars next to the craft services table. At the end of the day, they would just take one home.

I’m calling it now. DDL for ‘Best Actor’, and Spiels for ‘Best Director’.


It’s actually a time-share.

Co-writer/2nd Unit Director Joss Whedon and Co-Writer/Director Drew Goddard have done something pretty damn remarkable. Something that demands repeat viewings!

Something so cool, that I dare not give anything away, for any mention of the plot may spoil something, and this flick is best told going in cold.

Okay, I’ll say one thing about it…..remember “Small Wonder”, the t.v. show with the girl robot from outer space? What the fuck ever happened to that show??


Some “assembly” required.

That tag line right there is probably why “Disney” will never give me the gig to write/direct “Avengers 3”. However, I’m fine with that! Let Whedon do it!

That muther fucker.

Let me tell you how awesome that guy is! He really knocked this one out of the park. How far out of the park?

How about a world-wide gross of 1.5 billon dollars?!! That’s like, all of the fucking money, ever invented.

If you’ve never seen the other movies in Marvel’s “Phase One” plan (all the flicks tied together, leading up to “The Avengers”) I recommend that’s a good place to start, you’ll certainly get more out of it. However, if you want to dive right in, sure! It’s entertaining, fun and gets all the characters equal time to shine and be recognized.

Great film! One of the best comic book movies, I’ve ever seen.


Which posters yours? The one that says bad muther fucker on it!

QT, you sure are an amazing filmmaker!

The thing about him, that’s often imitated, but never quite duplicated, is that he took his influences and made his own voice out of that. It shows here, with his latest movie! (The 7th in 20 years! He counts Kill Bill as one movie).

This guy knows how to up his last effort, and it makes all of this films enjoyable in their own right. Is this his best? That depends on who you ask, but the reason it’s not number one for me is length.

While I did love this movie, LOVED it, I feel that it could’ve been a tad tighter. It’s not that it dragged, it’s just the time as a whole, goes on. With the sad absence and untimely passing of his other half, Sally Menke, it feels like he’s left to indulge a bit.

Coming from him though, that’s not always a bad thing.

Seek it out! It’s in theaters now. Especially if you like Tarantino movies!


Bond. James Bond.

There is a reason this film is number one to me this year. It’s the best Bond film in the Craig era so far to me. It does everything right. Sam Mendes (dir.) and Roger Deakins (Cinematographer) bring some amazing visual story telling to Bond, coupled with a great screen play and powerful performances.

Also, for the first time in a long time, Bond feels human again. He makes mistakes, he’s vulnerable, he bangs only a handful of chicks.

It’s a quintessential Bond flick and does everything right. Bond is definitely back with this, and it’s staying power at the box office with it’s strong word of mouth, speaks volumes.

There are  a lot of great nods to Bonds past and a fantastic direction toward the future of this longest franchise.

That’s my Top 11!

Stop copying me, stop copying me!!

December 3, 2012

Without a doubt, so many executive muther fucker’s lost their cushy jobs at Warner Brothers, after the opening weekend of “The Avengers”.

Executive 1: Boy! I sure do like making awful life choices!!

Executive 2: Don’t worry bro! We can always remake your life! Hold on, I’ll get money on the phone….

Then, “The Avengers” opens and makes all the money. Fun Fact! The national debt crisis was temporarily cured for one weekend afterwards.

It's raining Ben!

It’s raining Ben!

Warner Brothers owns and distributes the “Justice League” and all other DC properties. This is the “JLA”.

Oh, hai!!

Oh, hai!!

Now, WB has had these rights for a few decades now, and have yet to put together a live-action movie featuring all these heroes. A shit-ton of money has already been invested into development. However, for whatever reasons, the folks over at WB have not been able to get it up and running.

Now, Marvel Studios had a different plan. They came up with something called, “Phase One”. In “Phase One”, they figured out that Joe Kansas and Suzie Idaho, probably aren’t that familiar with “Iron Man”, so let’s make a movie with him and start to lead up to our ultimate movie, “The Avengers”.

“Iron Man” comes out in 2008 and is well received. From there, they release “The Incredible Hulk”, “Iron Man 2”, “Thor” and “Captain America”.

All of these movies, were connected, especially in the now famous “Marvel End Credit’s Tag”. Hints were dropped into the films, bridging them into one another. When Disney bought Marvel, they had a power house studio behind them.

Up until this point, Marvel only had other studios make and distribute their flicks, while they held the rights to them. In 2008, with a sizeable loan from a bank (not just any bank, I’m sure they didn’t walk into a BofA and get a co-signer or some shit.) They became “independent” and made the movies in house (starting with “Iron Man”) and got others to distribute them.

This means, the house of “M”, (Marvel, not Disney), got more creative control over their “Phase One”.

Eventually, when “Disney” bought them, they trusted them, cause the box office returns on the other movies showed Marvel knew what was up.

They hired Joss Whedon, fanboy extraordinaire and thus “The Avengers” was born. But, it didn’t just come out of no where. It was all part of the plan, introducing the general public to these super heroes.

In four years (impressive to put them all out like that) we had a good idea who “Iron Man” was, who “Thor” was, who that Natalie Portman girl was.

Most people had already seen one if not all of those films. Thankfully, “The Avengers” was VERY entertaining and a good, solid, comic book movie.

Us mouth breathing comic nerds, (most of us) loved the fuck out of it!

This first kiss symbolizes our love for "The Avengers".

This first kiss symbolizes our love for “The Avengers”.

Any movie that makes 500 million in one weekend, can make any studio worried. Especially, when most Hollywood “insiders”, expected “Avengers” to do well, but not like that.

No one saw this coming.

Especially Warner, who, up to this point had all the time in the world to do nearly the same thing. Instead, they released a “Super-Man” movie that failed to fly, and were concerned on getting Nolan’s “Bat-man” trilogy all wrapped up.

Plus, let us remember, WB nearly killed “Batman” and all super hero movies with their releases of “Batman Forever” and “Batman and Robin”.

I want YOU to fuck right off.

I want YOU to fuck right off.

Your eyes burn yet?

Yeah….in all seriousness, that nearly killed it.

So, maybe WB were a bit gun shy and maybe they underestimated Marvel.

But let’s fast forward to right the fuck now.

Well, right the fuck now, Avengers has dominated the box office and the digital/video market. Marvel is actively moving into “Phase Two” which leads up to “The Avengers 2” in 2015.

But wait…..what’s this happy horse shit? Another movie is also coming out in 2015 too?

What could that be?

That’s right, “JLA”.

Here’s the thing though, WB is all sorts of unsure how to proceed from here. They have a new Super-man movie coming out, but no ones sure if that same dude will even play him in the JLA movie. They don’t know if any of the characters from Nolan’s Bat-verse will make an appearance (that’s the best non-spoiler alert I can give) and on top of that, today they just announced their villain for the JLA movie.

This guy:

I swear I’m not the same guy!

That’s, Darkseid. (pronounced dark side)

Now, this dudes entire back story would take up his own movie.

Avenger’s 2 villain, (who was introduced at the end credits, is SPOILER) this guy:

I swear I'm not the same guy!

I swear I’m not the same guy!

That’s Thanos! Marvel’s Phase 2 will be leading up to him and also include him in other films, so when the all out shit hitting the fan happens in “A2”, most of us will have a good idea who he is.

As a comic-book fan and a movie fan, WB’s move seems desperate. It feels like they are tripping over themselves to compete and rush the JLA movie out before it’s ready.

That’s a sad thing, but it’s the reality and the only real reason behind it all?


Money. Duckets. Scrilla. The package.

With Marvel/Disney and “Avengers” doing so damn well, WB wants a slice of the golden pie. The problem is come 2015, the only thing two super-hero team movies are going to do, is divide and confuse us.

My head hurts.

My head hurts.

This blog won’t change anyone’s minds, we’re still going to get both an “Avengers 2” and a rushed “JLA” movie, in the same summer.

What does everyone else think about this? What will the out come be?

Who gives a fuck? I’m going to see “Avengers 2” instead.

Would you ever ‘sell-out’?

February 10, 2011

I have one or two more blogs to write this week, but I don’t think I can do this everyday. I work a full time job as is and it takes more effort to do these blogs.

However, I do enjoy them and I hope you enjoy reading them, so I’ll cut down to two-three a week and or whenever the mood strikes.

I thought if I stuck to a deadline, and tried to write everyday on a new topic, it would be easier. But sometimes, it’s just hard to get inspired.

Which leads us into:

As creative peeps, we have probably always felt our happiest when we are creating something.

In some way, we are ALL creative and artistically inclined. The point of view that I will discuss in today’s blog, is coming more from the film side. However, you can take “film” and replace it with “art, writing, singing, sewing, car repair, ect.” Whatever it is you love to do.

As always, take what you like from this blog and leave the rest.

Here we go:

Dude. So true. And my rent sucks.

There is probably no greater joy on this earth, than getting paid for what you love to do.

Think about that for a minute, think about what it is you love, more than anything, that also happens to not involve legal issues and think about getting paid for that.

No….not THAT….the other thing…..silly rabbit…..

As it stands now, I have a day job. While I’m very grateful to have it, I can feel a tinge of resentment at having to clock in every morning and being told when I can have 15 minute breaks of freedom.

What I would LOVE, more than anything, is to make a living at making films. I’ve been doing this for 18 years and I have yet to have done that.

Yes, I’ve had some temporary gigs in the industry, in front of and behind the camera, but I have yet to get paid for my own stuff.

I honestly can’t think of a better joy than that?

Would that be ‘selling out’ though? As an artist, doesn’t that mean I’m suppose to suffer for my art?

I do believe in paying your dues, but no one ever fucking tells you, what those dues are, or even how long you’re suppose to pay them or even what you owe.

I hear a lot of people talk out here, a lot about “making it” in this business.

But seriously, what constitutes ‘making it’, clearly has to be a matter of contention.

Entirely subjective. Some of us push ourselves so hard and set our internal bar so high, that no matter what we have in our lives, it isn’t enough.

Which segue’s into ‘selling out’, is ‘making it’, or getting paid to do what you love, selling out?

Take your favorite band.

Let’s say, not many people have heard of this band, with me so far? Then, they have a hit song.

Have they sold out?

Or have they just become successful?

Do the two go hand in hand?

Let’s paint another scenario.

You sew scarf’s. It’s something you really like. If you’re a dude and you can’t relate to this, then you sew scarf’s that shoot bullets.

So, you have your scarf (that possibly shoots bullets) and you decide, it would be cool to give a few to your friends. They insist on paying something for them.

Sell out?

Then, you’re like, “I bet I could make some extra cash? I love doing this sewing thing!” So, you start putting a few on-line.

Have you sold out yet?

Things go well, you’ve sold a lot more than you anticipate, so you get a Hollywood Agent, who specifically deals in scarfs.

The agent gets your scarfs on the hottest celebrities, in the best movies and everyone buys them like they were a pair of Ugg Boots.

(not that people buy them much anymore)

Have you sold out then?

It sure is a double edged sword in the creative arts, you want to share your stories and your art with the world, but the only way to do that, is find your audience.

As your audience grows, so does your public awareness, and soon people either get tired of you, and call you a sell out, or they want to knock you back down, because they built you up in the first place.

If Hollywood came up to me and said, “Nick, we want you to direct the next ‘Twilight’ film, we’re re-booting it.’

“Um, but didn’t it come out like, just last year?”

“Yeah, but the audience grew up too quickly, so we need to go younger for our key demo.”


“We will pay you, big time.”


Consider it re-booted, bitches!

Fuck yes I’d do it?!!


Because I can take that sell out money and not go buy a new car (though, that’s in there) but go make a movie I REALLY want to make, with that sweet, sweet pay check.

That’s the hardest thing to come by, money to make the movie.

This is what happens when you 'sell out'.

In a dream world, I could just win the lottery and make Spoon Pictures their own mini-studio and make and distribute our own movies, till the end of time.

But honestly, I don’t want to be rich anymore, I just want to make a living at it. Pay my bills, not have to worry about where food is coming from that day.

Of course, they say that the more money you make, the more your lifestyle changes to accommodate the lifestyle. Which explains why Nicolas Cage got into debt.

There's nothing scarier than debt kids.

With that said, ‘selling-out’ is a fine, fine line to walk.

I think, personally, it all comes down to your own integrity and your own self-worth. If I try to balance what I’m doing or how I’m doing, based on outside opinion’s, I’ll not only never please anyone, I won’t be happy anymore.

Maybe that’s it? That’s the answer?

When I’m unhappy with what I’m doing and it no longer brings me joy, I’ve ‘sold-out’.

What are your thoughts?

Has Kevin Smith taken it too far or is he just ballsy?

February 9, 2011

Kevin Smith.

That’s right, the dude who made ‘Clerks’.

I remember, at a video store called ‘Super Video’ in my hometown of Jackson, Missouri, renting ‘Clerks’ for the very first time.

Super Video in 'Jackson, Missouri' Now closed down. 😦

The year was 1995, and it had just finished it’s theatrical run not too long previously. Plus, it took awhile to get to Missouri, cause that’s where art goes to die.

So here I am, 16 years old and LIVING at Super Video. I rented flicks all the time. But, for some reason, even though the video box quotes said: “Funniest Film of the Year”, I couldn’t bring myself to rent it.

This is the VHS cover.

There were all these OTHER films, plus, even though I was under age, they let me rent soft core Cinemax style movies, so there’s that.

Finally, one day I DID rent ‘Clerks’ and the rest is ‘Kevin Smith’ history. I fell in love with it’s rawness, the characters and the dialogue.  Here was a story about nerds, living and working in a small town and it worked brilliantly.

There was nothing else much like it at the time.

I then brought the film to my friends:

“Dude. You HAVE to watch this.”

“It’s in Black and White dude.”

“I KNOW, but give it 15 minutes man. It’s us, this film is about US.”

After that, Kevin had a career that has spanned nearly 20 years. From that successful indie film, he has made; ‘Mallrats’, ‘Chasing Amy’, ‘Dogma’, ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’, ‘Jersey Girl’, ‘Clerks 2’, ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ and now, ‘Red State’.

On top of the flicks, he’s stayed accessible and in touch with his fans by touring the world, doing infamous Q and A’s.

To say he was an inspiration to me as a young filmmaker, back in the 90’s, would be putting it lightly.  He was a hero of mine. A nerd who made it.

Which brings us to ‘Red State’, his latest thriller. Made for four million, his cheapest budget in years, and done in true indie style, Kevin made waves early on by saying he would be bringing this movie to ‘Sundance’, to be auctioned off to perspective distributors.

A lot of buzz was building on this, for ‘Red State’ is a wild departure from the normal Smith movie. In every sense of the word, this was like something he had never done before.

He screens the movie, then comes out and begins to take aim at the ‘Hollywood Studio System’, and in true indie fashion, buys his OWN MOVIE for 20 bucks.

Yeah, 20 bucks.

He says: (*taken from

*After the screening, Smith, carrying Wayne Gretzky’s last hockey stick (Smith’s next movie is a hockey flick called “Hit Somebody”), used his Q&A time to go on a half-hour rant about the perils of working within the studio system. It’ll be a Smodcast by morning.

As he explained, the movie took 25 days and cost $4 million to make. If he sold it for $6 million, it would still take $20 million to market. But since that $26 million doesn’t go back to the movie team or the studio or the distributor, you have to make $50 million just to get to the profit line. “I never wanted to know jack shit about business,” he explained. “I’m a fat, masturbating stoner. That’s why I got into the movie business. I thought that was where fat, masturbating stoners went. And if somebody had told me at the beginning of my career, ‘You’re going to have to learn so much about business, finance, amortization, all that shit, monetization,’ I would have been like, ‘Fuck it. I’m just going to stay home and masturbate. That’s too much work, man.’ It took seven years for Clerks, a movie that cost $27,575, to go into profit.”



Punk rock.

Fucking Indie.

I love it.

Let’s face it folks, Sundance hasn’t been true “indie” in quite some time.

Kevin, then announced that he would take the movie out on the road himself and do a road tour/Q and A with it, selling tickets for a higher price, to help make the budget back.

This, to prove a point to the Studio System, that their distribution model, is currently in need of major repair.

Here’s some more from Smith:

He then laid out his plan to distribute the movie through Smodcast Pictures. On March 5 at Radio City Music Hall, he’ll begin a fifteen-day Red State Movie Tour, with stops in Boston, Chicago, Minneapolis, Ann Arbor, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Springfield, Denver, New Orleans, Austin, Atlanta, and Seattle. “That’s the only reason why I didn’t have as many screenings as everyone wanted here. I gotta make money off this bitch,” Smith explained. Those tickets will go for “six, seven, maybe ten times what you’d normally pay to see a flick,” but will come with a “grander, statelier venue” and Q&As with Smith and Parks, along with surprise treats. Then on October 19, the seventeenth anniversary of the theatrical release of Clerks, he’ll release it wide, by directly finding exhibitors and giving them way better deals than they get from the studios.

Once he’s proven anyone can release a movie, he plans to make two more movies: Hit Somebody and the third edition of Clerks, and retire from directing to work on crowd-financing young filmmakers through Smodcast. “

So, essentially, Kevin is going to distribute himself.

Didn’t I write a blog about that? I did indeed:

I think what Kevin is doing, is super cool and indeed, is a great thing, to move indie film forward.

Kevin is doing this, because essentially, he has the audience to back it up. A majority of people, minus the haters, are going to back the dude up on this tour. Mainly to give the bird to Hollywood.

So, with Kevin’s audience backing him, I’m sure he will do well.

But, his plan is to launch ‘Smod Pictures’ and help other filmmakers do the same thing?

That’s where this back fires.

Other filmmakers, don’t have the audience he does, and will he back up those films when Smod Pictures is inundated with thousands of submissions?

Will he back them up, with the passion and zeal of his very own films?

It’s a lot of work to promote your own film, much less other people’s.  This is a very daunting task.

Also, will his audience be as receptive?

Having been a fan, for a long time, I’ve seen Kevin stand behind some films his friends have made, as a producer, and those don’t sell or do nearly as well as they could and should.

Yeah, things have changed since then, but so has indie film.

So much so, that this could either be really brilliant, or fail completely, there is no middle ground on this.

I guess we’ll just have to hurry up and wait.

Why Video Game Movies Blow.

February 8, 2011

Another blog!

My goal, is to try to do these every day, M-F, for as long as I can. They’ll be about all kinds of topics, but the main theme is the film industry and all it’s facets. This could range from my crazy stories working in it, to topics such as this one.

Video Game movies and why they’ve all sucked… far….

So, I watched “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” over the weekend. You know the movie I’m talking about, right? Yeahyeahyeah, the one where Jake Gyllenhaal is all buffed the fuck out.

I'm defying opening box office weekend.


Here is a preview, of the movie, just in case you have no idea what the fuck I’m talking aboot:

Looks epic, right? RIGHT?

Well, apprantly, only $30,095,259 worth of epicness.

30 million is a pretty sweet opening, but not for a 200 million dollar, Jerry “Blow Shit Up” Bruckheimer produced, Chesty Jake movie, based on a best selling video game, distributed by the Mouse House itself!?!

I felt let down. Like I just met an internet date in real life, after looking at the pictures that were never her to begin with.

Just to give a brief history of the game. It was a game created by ‘Jordan Mercher’ in 1989 for the Apple II computer. It went on to achieve success, in many iterations, over the next 20 years.

It was revolutionary at the time, because of its realistic animations of the Prince .

The story was pretty basic, you only had a set time (2 real hours) to get your princess back from the evil Jafar, and you had to do it all with a plucky monkey and a wise-ass genie……..wait….no, hmmmmm.



When “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” was re-booted in 2003 (The Video Game, not the Chesty Jake movie), it was released to HIGH PRAISE, for not only game play, but one key element:


That’s right, you’ve read that correctly.

As a LONG time gamer (going back to Atari and up until now) I’ve noticed that they’ve evolved from smashing buttons, to having a story. If you did your homework, even “Street Fighter” has various character back stories, set against the back drop of a world wide fighting tournament!

You mean to tell me, that with as popular as MMA is now, that we can’t even get a FIGHTING MOVIE RIGHT?!!

I'm going to kick you in the face, from four feet away.

As a nerd, we’ve suffered.

Remember Comic-book films?

No. Not the cool ones of today, but “Comic-Book” films?

I’m talking about when ‘Captain America’ looked like this:

NOT taken at Comic-Con. FROM the 1990 Movie.

Yeah, I know that was 1990, but GOOD comic-book flicks were few and far between.

For every “Superman” and “Bat-man” and “TMNT” we got stuff like that.

No one took them seriously.

For decades.

Us nerds were angry dude! Angrier than we are now!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???

Finally, in 2000, Fox released “X-Men” and to Hollywood’s dismay, it did well, VERY well.

They were SHOCKED that a comic-book movie could do well, especially Fox, the studio that put out the flick and thought it would just disappear.

But, it was done well, and the fans turned out in droves, paving the way for “Spider-man”, “X-Men 2”, “Batman Begins” and many, many more.

Finally, sometimes, hit or miss, Hollywood was getting it “right” and treating the movies with “respect”….mostly. We still haven’t got a proper “Fantastic Four” movie, but I digress.

The point here is VIDEO GAME movies. Hollywood still thinks that these aren’t a viable property.

They treat “Resident Evil”, a creepy, atmospheric movie, like a B-Level action film that happens to have Zombies.

They totally screwed up ‘Super Mario Brothers’, I mean now, it’s so odd and fucked up, it’s cool. But really? WHY?!!

I remember watching this at 13, SO excited to see it, and I’m like: “This is not ‘Super Mario Brothers’??

It's not much of a movie either, assholes.

Infinite sadness.

It was 1995, when Hollywood ALMOST got it right. They made a movie, based on the popular video game, ‘Mortal Kombat’.

The characters were there, the costumes, the fight moves, Goro was fucking real, like he existed, they brought him in from ‘Outworld’ to film and paid him in dead cats.

The fight scenes were energetic and cool, but it was missing ONE crucial element.


The original source material, is known for being pretty gruesome, with fatalities (finishing moves for those that don’t speak nerd) and this one had them, but they were toned down. Like PG-13 toned down.

And I understand, it’s marketing, it doesn’t limit the theater count, more people could go see it, but I feel it would’ve been damn near perfect had it been more gritty and ass kicky.

But, something worked, because it was a Number 1 film, for 3 weeks in a row!

I know we went to see it, twice opening day! It also inspired us to make our own version!


You can peep it, in its entirety, at:

Scorpion and Subzero fight in a Wooden Pallet Factory!

Yeah, we were 16.

Yeah, my Grandma sewed the ‘Scorpion’ and ‘Sub-Zero’ costumes.

But, even then, we knew the BACK-STORY of these characters, and tried as hard as 16 year old’s in 1995 could try, to incorporate that story. I did my research, I played the game, I read novelizations and knew that it was much deeper than what we saw.

In 2006, after 2 and a half years of filming on weekends, we finished our other fan film, ‘Tomb Raider: Tears of the Dragon”, which, you can also watch at:

At the time we began making it in 2003, the second movie had come out and bombed, the newest video game, was rushed and nearly destroyed the franchise, and everyone seemed to have turned their backs on Lara.

We didn’t, and I LOVED and still love, the character.  Our flick is in no way perfect, I’d shoot it so differently now, but our love and respect for the source material, is clearly there. More so than the ‘Hollywood’ versions.

That’s the thing, they haven’t got it right, because it’s a product, that they can sell, with a built-in audience.

IF they would just treat the source material, with respect, we may have something that not only pleases the fans, but is open to people who may not know what the hell a “Legend of Zelda” even is.

I hope one day, I can be the filmmaker who gets the budget to make a kick ass video game flick.

If not me, than someone else who loves them just as much, and is tired of the way that they have been treated, for the last 30 years.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go play my X-Box.

Life Achievement.

Why I will never enter a film festival.

February 5, 2011

Engaging title, no?

Controversial, topic-starter-y.

There was a movie once, that Denzel Washington made, called, “The Great Debaters”.

Let's Debate Mo Fo!

If that movie had a sequel, it would be about this topic: Film Festivals.

If this were 1992-2006, you’d better believe I’d put more of my flicks in Film Festivals. The Film Festival boon, especially in the 1990’s, were the mecca of independent film.

Talent was discovered, Hollywood got all insecure and took shit over, then it became less indie and too Hollywood, so smaller film festivals were formed.

Thus, you now have two options as a filmmaker. Try and play the big festivals and find distribution, OR play the smaller circuits and go on tour with your flick.

I have friends who have done the smaller circuits, and have had great success. This is not a knock to any filmmaker who wants to pursue the festival route, this is not a knock to the filmmakers who came before.

This is just my opinion on why this route, won’t work for me, not anymore.
The best part of my opinion, is you can take what you like and leave the rest.

The reason Film Festivals don’t work for me, big or small ones, is this.

In the 1990’s, Film Festivals were a fantasical place to have audiences discover your flick or your short flick. You could get a bunch of cool leaflets and put them on your DVD or VHS cover.

These leaflets are super fuckin' SWEEET!

Which, gives you not only validation and affirmation, but makes your flick look more eye candy-y to the mass consumers.

“Look honey, there’s this movie called, “I Just Won A Bunch of Festivals” Wanna stream/rent/buy this film?”

“I dunno.”

“Yeah me either….waitaminute….it won A LOT of festivals.”

“In that case, let’s give it a chance. If it’s really good, you can stop sleeping on the couch.”


In short, this gives your flick, street cred.

Plus, you can meet other filmmakers, share war stories and in short, enjoy yourself.

Not a bad call.

For all that and more, Film Festivals are an amazing place. I’ll say that again so you don’t misunderstand me.

Amazing. Place.

I don’t hate them, I just think they’re outdated and in need of a major business model over haul.

In order to get on the “List” of programming, you have to submit an application PLUS a fee with your flick. That’s a lot of money dude.

A movie that cost say, 1,500 to make, could spend triple that in non-refundable fees, regardless of if you get rejected by the fest or accepted.

A picture is worth a thousand birds.

Then, if you do get accepted, especially to the smaller fests, you have to normally find your own transportation there.

On top of that, you should have posters of your flick and postcards to hand out, plus any other promotional materials, to get audiences to show up.

Just because you show up with your flick, doesn’t mean that the other filmmakers who got accepted too, didn’t show up either. You still need to build your audience, for one screening.

Sounds like a lot of work, right?

It is.

I respect those who go out to do it.

Now, here’s another option. One that I’ve put a lot of thought into.

Indie film is changing.

Big time.

Hollywood Distribution Studio’s are drying up for indie film. When Steven Soderbergh, makes a movie starring Benecio Del Toro about Che, ironically called, “Che” and it doesn’t get picked up by distributors, something is amiss. Soderbergh STARTED with indie film, back with “Sex, Lies and Videotape”. (A re-make would be called “Sex, Lies and Apps”).

So, my option is this.

What about the internet?

Yeah dude, the world. wide. web.

We are headed for this. Seriously.

To me, I could put all that hard work, focus, money and promotion into finding a Film Festival that MIGHT play “Pizza and Bullets” OR I could put those same exact qualities in finding an audience ON-LINE.

Think about it for a minute.

I could stream a rental of “Pizza and Bullets” on Indie Stream for 1 Buck. I could also put it on rental to Itunes and Amazon VOD  for a buck.

I could then, sell copies of DVD and Blu-Ray, with DVD extra’s and features for only a few bucks more.

Word of mouth spreads fast. People will give something a shot for a buck, and if not, I also don’t lose that dollar, because they didn’t rent it.

If they dig it, they can buy it!

Also, I’ve now found an audience that may start to look forward to other projects and they don’t have to drive an hour or more away to see it in a film festival, they can get what we all love nowadays, instant gratification.

Gratification makes it all worth it.

So, I’ve not only built an audience, but I’ve also self-distributed my film?

Isn’t that why we, as filmmakers, hope to have our movie accepted in the festivals? For possible distribution?

Sure, Hollywood MAY find my flicks distributable, but like Edward Burns and Kevin Smith are finding out, they would spend 40x as much in distribution to find an audience for opening weekend, which would take years to make any money back.

With this method, I feel like I will not only be way more approachable to the audience  involved, but own all the rights to the flick.

Which at the end of the day, I’d rather do that. Own the movie, flat out. If it succeeds, great, if not, on to the next one.

The business model is changing, even big studio movies want to experiment with day and date streaming to our homes.

Televisions are becoming equipped with BUILT IN INTERNET.

More and more things are VOD, Netflix, Hulu, think about how popular Youtube is becoming. Dude, our PHONES can stream movies.

Speaking of Youtube, Sundance is even streaming/renting movies that come out of there on Youtube. That my friends, is action and that shows me where things are going.

Another downside to Sundance, is two years ago, they were being yelled at for “losing their independence” and becoming a place that shows smaller Hollywood films, with major talent.

We sold out dude.

So, what did the programming director do? He made the “Micro-Budget Sundance Festival” that coincided with the actual Sundance.

Why am I separating the two? Because that’s just what Sundance did.

That’s right, the “Micro-Budget” category (for films that were budgeted at 500,000 dollars or LESS. This is considered micro-budget to them??) was NOT eligible to win any of the major Sundance awards.

Correct. Those leaf things.

No Sundance Grand Jury Award. No Audience Award. Nothing.

Seriously dude. WTF?

Wait? You mean my MOVIE is STILL kinda not accepted??

I think it’s time we pave our own road and bring the movies to the people.

Technology and social media has finally caught up to us, we need to change with the times and not get left behind.

We, as indie filmmakers,  now have a platform to find our voice and find people who want to see our flicks and it’s better if we do it together.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. 🙂

Post Production Shmost Production Part 1

February 4, 2011

The first chapters in this blog last year, where about my journey as a young filmmaker and the struggles and successes here in California.

Since this blog is called, “My Indie-Popcorn Flick Life”, I’ve decided to focus the next few chapters on the struggles and successes of the latest film I’ve made, “Pizza and Bullets”.

James waits in the shadows.

I’ve been making micro, micro, super tiny budgeted movies since I was 15 years old and this was/is, by far, one of the biggest and most expensive.  While still considered “ultra low fat no soy latte budget” by most standards at to me it was a shit ton of money!

By cranking out movie after movie, while not always technically advanced the way I wanted them to be, the one mistake I got to make and learn from over time, was two VERY important things.

Story and how to make a little, look like a lot. I.E., put your money on screen.

The one philosophy I’ll always sign up for, is you can never hide a bad story behind big money.

I originally wrote the first draft for “Pizza and Bullets” four years ago in 2007. I wanted to make the movie then and I’m glad it never happened, it wasn’t ready.

After some false starts and other projects putting themselves ahead of it, I kept coming back to it. The story meant a lot to me and I really wanted to tell it. In May of 2009, it looked like it may become a reality. I got a crew and lined up my cast (most of them, Spoon Pictures Regulars of course) and wanted to make the flick, again out of pocket, for 1,500.

I was confident we could do this, for two reasons. One, “Tomb Raider: Tears of the Dragon” only cost 3,000 grand and was longer than “PAB” (granted, we called in A LOT of favors.)

You can watch the flick here:

Two, my whole career we’ve learned tricks of the trade to make our movies look bigger. With the exception of a few key locations, I had written into the script, things I knew we could get.

But, the film fell apart again. The crew, most of them I had never worked with up to this point, didn’t feel comfortable working with a budget that low and also didn’t have the faith to back up my beliefs that it could be done.

Gratefully, it got pushed back again, a whole year.

I’m grateful for all the delays, because if the movie would’ve been made those other times, it wouldn’t of turned out nearly as good, I wouldn’t of gotten the right equipment, had to time to work out and iron the story and more importantly, meet so many talented people and work with a lot of old friends.

We worked tirelessly and sacrificed much, to try and raise our money. The budget was originally 10 Grand.

The thought was made during Pre-Production, to be sponsored by a Non-Profit Organization that sponsor’s the Arts.

With our Non-Profit status, more businesses, friends and family would be more willing to donate to our project rather than invest and wait for a return.

Donations take off a lot of that pressure that most filmmakers have.

Also, it made me feel good, because they would be getting something back, a tax-deduction, just for being extremely generous.

Tim and Dave High Five Generosity

This is where my mistake was made.

Three months into raising funds, our model wasn’t working, mainly because the economy sucked major ass and I had mistakenly set a shoot date before all the funds were in place.

With locations already held in place and cast and crew already taking time to do the flick, it was now or never.

That made everyone scramble to get as much as we could to even try to roll camera for Day Fuckin’ One.

Every day, one of my producers would tell me, “If we get this much, we have enough to shoot the first weekend.”

“What about the next weekend?”

“We won’t know about that yet.”

“Oh. Crap.”

James gets interrogated at the crime scene.


In short, we were working a minute by minute, weekend by weekend, basis, not even knowing if we were gonna have to call it quits and fall off, or finish our shooting schedule.

I don’t recommend that kind of pressure for anyone.

After the dust cleared, and we finished production, I began editing.

The more I edited, the more people had to move on to other projects and areas of their lives.

Soon, all of our fund raising efforts were stopped short.

PAB Fundraiser

Now, here I was, unemployed still, all the money spent on the flick and no money to pay the dedicated and awesome crew that I had promised smaller pay rates to.

It suddenly became an overwhelming feeling. I never felt more alone, I couldn’t even bring myself to cut or look at the movie. Every time I did, I felt guilty, because I knew the crew needed the money I promised them and had no way to deliver.

I wasn’t a bad guy, but I felt like a bad guy. In short, I did the one thing I’m great at, I beat myself up and lessened my own self worth. I hit a brick wall, that I put there. One that I was in denial about, until that moment.

The worst fear?

Was that everyone hated me and resented me for making the film.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake this paralyzing feeling and all the money that people donated, all the time people put into it, felt like it was pressing down on the center of my shoulders.

Then, it happened.


I finally got a job in January, that doesn’t pay much but, I came up with a plan. I can start saving, bit by bit, check by check, until I have enough money to finish the film AND pay everyone back. At the end, this was my film and as of now, the option in front of me is, I have to finish it out of pocket, to the best of my ability, no matter how long it takes.

Because money is good any time and all that fear, and guilt and shame?

That was my ego trying to tell me I failed.

Failure is only a mind set and with faith and hope and the prolific dedication most say I have, I set out to finally finish the film.

This blog, will be the journey of that film for a bit.

Totally candid picture. Not posed for at all. *cough*